


A Good Year but Rotten Grapes

by paragraph (ebcdic)



Category: Canadian Music RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Second Chances, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 00:22:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12642294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebcdic/pseuds/paragraph
Summary: Todd and Ryan haven't spoken in years. Todd decides to fix that or something.





	A Good Year but Rotten Grapes

Todd stared at Ryan's hair from the back of the venue as he sat at a small table and smoked. Ryan had dyed it orange, but it hadn't quite taken in some places, leaving streaks of blond and red from previous color changes. It made it look like his hair was on fire and the shifting lights onstage only added to the illusion. Todd knew from experience that Ryan's hair would feel silky around his fingers as he ran his hands through it, but he imagined that this time it would warm his skin, maybe even burn him. 

It didn't matter how much he imagined doing it; he'd never get the chance. He and Ryan hadn't spoken in almost five years now. Todd didn't even know why he had come to this show. Five years ago, he had taken the Limblifter CD Ryan had given to him as gift and snapped it in half before throwing it at Ryan's feet as he swore to him that he'd never speak to him again. It wasn't that he hated the music or even hated Ryan; it was that for the first time since they had met, Ryan wanted to do something without him and not only that, but he didn't seem to want to do anything at all with Todd anymore. 

Anything at all wasn't just music-related stuff either. Ryan used to let Todd crawl in his bedroom window at night to curl up beside him. He used to let Todd play with his hair when Todd was feeling nervous and out of place. He used to actually listen to what was going on in Todd's life before giving calm advice. He used to let Todd do a lot of things, but one day he just stopped. He pushed Todd away and that really hurt. It still hurt, really, even five years later. 

But even after all that time, it was still strange to see Ryan up there on stage instead of standing there right beside him. Todd crushed out his first cigarette in the ashtray and lit a second one. As he took a drag on it, he closed his eyes, remembering what it was like to stand shoulder to shoulder with Ryan as they got so into the music that they couldn't help but jam like that and try to convey the feeling to each other through touch. The memory was so vivid, Todd could almost feel Ryan's bony shoulder digging into his and it made him twitch slightly. He slowly exhaled, blowing the smoke toward the ceiling, but kept his eyes closed. Memories were painful, but they were definitely preferable to the present. He finished the second cigarette and started on a third, closing his eyes again as soon as it was lit. 

"You shouldn't close your eyes when you're smoking. Could be dangerous." 

Todd wasn't sure if the voice came from his memory or his imagination. It certainly couldn't be from reality. He kept his eyes closed and gave what had once been his standard response to such warnings. "I'm hardcore, I can handle it."

"Can you?" 

That wasn't the standard line in the script. Ryan was supposed to say, "What am I going to do with you?" To which Todd would grin and reply, "Keep me." Ryan would laugh at him then and Todd would carefully pounce on him to tickle the hell out of him. Either Todd's memory was seriously going or this was reality. His eyes snapped open. The second he realized that Ryan really was sitting next to him, his eyes went wide before narrowing back down to his normal squint. He put what was left of his cigarette out and tried not to fidget.

"Hey," Ryan said softly. 

"Hey yourself," Todd replied automatically. His eyes shifted between Ryan and the now empty stage. Had he been lost in memory for that long?

Ryan's fingers skimmed over the edge of the table and he only looked at Todd out of the corner of his eye. It seemed that he was waiting for Todd to speak. Todd didn't know what to say. The silence seemed to stretch out forever and the longer it went on, the harder it was for Todd to even think about opening his mouth. It was like a mirror of what had gone on the past five years. The longer Todd stayed away, the harder it was to even think of coming back.

"I didn't expect to see you here."

The words jarred Todd and caused him to suddenly sit upright. He couldn't tell what Ryan meant by them and he wished that Ryan would give him some sort of clue as to what he was thinking. Todd nervously played with his lighter, flicking it on and off, as he responded. "I didn't expect to find myself here."

Ryan nodded slightly. "Fair enough."

Todd set down the lighter and shoved it toward the center of the table where it wouldn't be a temptation. He ended up playing with the rings on his fingers instead, twisting them back and forth in turn. "I didn't think you would see me." He winced slightly; thinking how revealing and needy that sounded and quickly added, "Back here. All the way back here, I mean."

"Well, I... did." 

His tone of voice made Todd swallow hard. It was obvious that Ryan wasn't talking about right now. He was telling Todd that he would've seen him all this time. Todd forced himself to turn his head and actually look at Ryan. Ryan's head was still ducked, his hair obscuring his face. The sight of him like that made Todd's hand itch to touch him. He wanted more than anything to brush Ryan's hair away from his face. He was concentrating so hard on not thinking about it, that his hand ended up making the decision for him and reached out to do it anyway. 

His hand shook as he touched Ryan's hair. It felt just like he remembered. Ever so carefully, he tucked the strands back behind Ryan's ear. He wanted to keep on touching Ryan like that, but he forced himself to pull his hand away, laughing self-consciously as he did so. Ryan smiled at him and grabbed his hand. Todd's eyes went wide again as he squeezed Ryan's hand tightly. He held his breath, waiting. 

"Hey, Dahle, the van isn't going to pack itself."

Todd didn't know who yelled it across the room, but whoever it was; he wanted to kill him. He let the breath he had been holding out all at once and felt deflated as Ryan abruptly stood up. Todd didn't realize that he was still holding onto Ryan until he followed the path of Ryan's eyes to where his fingers were tightly wrapped around Ryan's wrist. 

"I've got to go," Ryan said quietly.

Todd bit his lip and released Ryan's wrist. "Okay." Ryan only made it a few feet away from the table before Todd was on his feet, grabbing his wrist again. "Wait."

Ryan slowly turned around and stared expectantly at him. "Yeah?"

Todd shifted nervously under his stare. There was so much he wanted to tell him, so much he should've told him, but all that came out was his original reason for showing up in the first place. "You know that guitar you lost years ago?"

Ryan nodded, his eyes narrowed. "What about it?"

"I found it. I got it back for you," Todd answered. He waved his hand toward the exit. "It's out in my trunk."

Ryan's eyes lit up. "Are you serious?" 

He was grabbing Todd's wrist and dragging him out the door before Todd could even think to reply. Once they were outside, Todd took Ryan's hand in his and led him to his car. His hands shook a little as he popped open the trunk. He could feel Ryan bouncing slightly beside him. Once the trunk was open, Ryan's hands immediately went for the snaps on the guitar case inside. He quickly opened it and stared down at the guitar inside but didn't touch it. Todd smiled and leaned against the trunk, watching him. 

"It's the one, right?" Todd asked when Ryan just stood there, still staring at it.

Ryan turned to look at him and nodded. "Yeah. How did you...?"

Todd shrugged. He wasn't about to explain to Ryan that these days, the most exciting part of his day was searching for vintage guitars on eBay. Ryan didn't seem to mind the non-answer. His fingers brushed over the body of the guitar finally before he snapped the case shut again. 

"Can you keep it for me for awhile?" Ryan said without looking at Todd and Todd's pulse sped up as he thought of the possible implications of that sentence. Then Ryan added, "I mean, I don't want it to get lost with all of that other equipment in the van." And Todd's heart sank. 

Todd cleared his throat and shrugged again. "Yeah. Sure."

He was too busy cursing himself for getting his hopes up to notice that Ryan had moved closer to him. "Thanks," Ryan said and Todd was suddenly aware that Ryan was practically standing on top of him. Before he could react, Ryan was pressing his lips against Todd's in a light kiss. "Thanks a lot, really," Ryan repeatedly softly as he pulled back. 

Todd could only nod slightly in response. Ryan smiled at him as he walked backward toward the van. "I'll see you then."

"Yeah, I'll see you," Todd somehow managed to reply through his state of shock. 

Ryan waved at him before turning around to walk forward. Todd watched him until he disappeared around the corner, then he pressed his fingers to his lips. Maybe the present had an advantage or two over the past.


End file.
